Friday, 18 December 2009

How To Helpfuls


Let's say you're a Xian who really wants to convert heathens like me, but you just don't know how. Well, you're in luck, because the helpful people at wikiHow have a guide just for you. Make sure you are adequately prepared with tidbits like these:
Conversion is an act of love. A gift.

It's a gift all right to be convinced that you deserve to be tortured in hell for eternity out of love.
...increase your friendship before attempting to influence their religious beliefs.

Because emotional blackmail is a great way to get people to convert.
Pray to God.

Because that's always helpful, right?

It's not all dumb though. There are some good points made, like this one:
Do your homework. If you are a Christian, and you believe that the Bible is the direct word of God, then certainly you have read most of the Bible, especially the Gospels, right? If not, you may find the person you are trying to convert is better versed in the Bible than you.

This is actually good advice.

Similarly the rest of the piece has its ups and downs, but overall it's pretty humorous I think.

And, of course, for those new converts who just don't know how to believe in god, there's a guide for you too! Of course, it can be summed up pretty quickly by saying simply shut off your reasoning faculties and simply believe.

7 comments:

ethinethin said...

It wouldn't take much for a christian to convert me. Compelling evidence that god exists and compelling evidence that he is jesus. That's all I've asked and all I'll ever ask.

With such a big decision like my eternal soul, how could I trust any religion to speak the truth when so much is on the line? The only "evidence" people from religion A give me is identical to the "evidence" from people in religions B1 through Z4.

It's weird to talk to people who think their personal testaments, impassioned pleas, and threats are compelling evidence. Oh, you "know" god exists and that you worship him the right way? So does every other religious person on the planet. I am not privy to that knowledge, so I require evidence.

And you know what? If their go exists, he is the one that made me this way.

ethinethin said...

*god, of course

Anonymous said...

"With such a big decision like my eternal soul, how could I trust any religion to speak the truth when so much is on the line?"

So you'll choose to definitely go to Hell rather than grab ahold of the most likely choice? If I were trapped in a housefire, and had multiple fire extinguishers in front of me, only one being adequately charged, I'm pretty sure I'd grab the best looking one, rather than saying, "Ah screw it, what are the odds that's right. I'll just burn."

Twin-Daddy said...

Anonymous..Do you live in a box?

There are literally thousands of religions, many of them look much better than xtianity..

Also, I've found that no religion is the only true freedom...

Tyler said...

Anon: So you'll choose to definitely go to Hell rather than grab ahold of the most likely choice?

Pascal's Sucker Bet... how original.

The most likely/logical option to the god question is, of course, "74,355: none of the above," in spite of the banal protests of billions of godbots.

Anon: I'm pretty sure I'd grab the best looking one...

Which is "the best looking" god, and why is it "the best looking" god?

ethinethin said...

So you'll choose to definitely go to Hell rather than grab ahold of the most likely choice?

And yet again, a christian has made the threat of hell to me, thinking it would have power to convert me. Read my original post. I need evidence that your hell exists, not threats, impassioned pleas, and personal testimonies.

Because without evidence, there is nothing "definite" about the existence of hell -- you just believe it exists on faith. What a silly thing to fear.

ethinethin said...

Which is "the best looking" god, and why is it "the best looking" god?

It varies from culture to culture. Part of the ethnocentric nature of religion is that all members of it believe their religion is "the most right", and think people of other religions are mislead.

"But," say our religious friends, "our religion is the most right. It's those other people who are really mislead."

Why else would doctrines of faith be so important to nearly every religion in the history of mankind?

Objectivity is better than subjectivity. I would hope our religious friends would agree to that simple notion. Unfortunately, they show time and time again to judge their own religion by a different standard of scrutiny than they judge all others.

"What do muslims know? Their holy book was written by desert dwelling goat herders!"